life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sorry about my life...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
