First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
