wrigley field is MILF paradise
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize