I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
