It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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