Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
