in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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