Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
