Just cropdusted the office
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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