I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
