he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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