This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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