I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
