Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
