Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
