Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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