By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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