She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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