Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
