On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
