Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
