I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
