my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Houston, we have a blender
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
