I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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