i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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