I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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