If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
