Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
