just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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