I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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