I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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