yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
