just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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