end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Everything about him screamed your future.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
