i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
