oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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