Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
