I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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