If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We need to get me chipped asap
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
