We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
