glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
