if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
