i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
