ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
