I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
we're so committed to being not committed
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
