when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
