I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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