guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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