He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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