...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
