like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
