oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
