You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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