There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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