i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
