the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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