in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
