you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i don't like sucking hair
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
