i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
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