I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize