i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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