I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
