You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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