thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
