Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
