I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
