No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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