I've blown a few things in my day
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
