For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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