im drinking this country out of the recession.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
