that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
